Ten Dating and Relationship Tips
Part II – Dating for the Right Reasons
Did you ever know a person in high school or hear rumors of a person who slept around with many people. Others probably judged that person in the worst possible way with colorful names and countless rumors. The truth is that this person was probably very broken and hurt. They were only looking to be loved, but they were looking for it in the wrong way with the wrong people. While most people wouldn’t sleep around out of desperation, many of us still get into bad relationships our of loneliness or fear.
Unfortunately, some people base their whole identity on whether or not they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Some base their identity on who they are in a relationship with. Others feel whole, happy, and “complete” when in a relationship and then sad, depressed, and incomplete when they are not. Still others jump from relationship to relationship, never taking time in between to grow up, mature, or learn from their mistakes. Dating is then like a roller coaster of emotions. These things stunt us and make it much more difficult, if not impossible to find true, lasting love.
People who date because they are lonely, or to escape the problems of their life, or in fear of never getting a date, are much more likely to enter into bad relationships that are guaranteed to be full of pain, suffering, confusion and heartbreak. If we are dating out of loneliness, fear, or thinking that someone else is our happiness, we will usually land in an unhealthy controlling, or co-dependant relationship. We end up compromising our faith and morals. Because of fear of being dumped or ending up lonely, there is a really good chance that we will put up with abuse or disrespectful behavior, settling for less than we know we deserve and desire. We may compromise on things against our faith, our values, or our sexuality, etc. And, even though our friends and family warn us or share concern for us, we choose to stay in a relationship that we know perfectly well is not good for us. This is a recipe for disaster. How many broken marriages are based off this kind of immature “love”?
Worse, people usually stay in these types of relationships much longer than they should and even attempt to rationalize and justify why. They don’t want to feel like they wasted their time in this relationship– so they try to stay and make it work – and continue to waste their time in the process. Only with the right person can we be happy forever.
The more confident we are, the more we love ourselves, and the more we realize we have a lot to offer, the more we will attract the right kind of person. We will demand that people treat us with respect, and we will not jump at the first person who pays attention to us, forgetting how bad he or she is. We need to learn to be happy with ourselves outside of relationships, only then can we find lasting happiness inside relationships. This is why women often get into bad relationships and stay in them longer than they should, and why men often get bored of women once they win them. They are not truly happy and fulfilled on the inside and are searching for fulfillment in a way that needs to be possessed in the single life.
The purpose of dating is to choose a marriage partner. Marriage is where two people give themselves as “gifts” to each other. If we don’t believe that we are anything special or believe that we have anything good to offer, then why would anyone want to marry us? Having happily-ever-after marriages are achieved by mature people who know who they are and what they want. They have respect for themselves and for the other person they love. They are strong enough to stand on their own and expect someone else to be their crutch.
If you are feeling lonely, broken, or suffering from low self-esteem, then start praying to God today. Read books about self-esteem and what dating is about. I recommend:
Do you Really Love Me?, By Jason Evert
How to find your Soulmate without losing your Soul, By Jason and Krystalina Evert.
Boundaries in Dating, By Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend
People who are selfish and controlling can only be that way with people who allow it and who give in. Don’t give in. Don’t compromise. Have standards, have morals, and have a road map of what you want, what kind of person you desire to be, and what kind of person you are looking for. Have an image of that person you desire and don’t settle for less.
This is the second of ten relationship tips…