I am not sure why, perhaps because my name has “Catholic” in the title on Snapchat, a lot of women seem to send me nudes and other inappropriate pictures out of the blue. I guess they just multi spam everybody and see where it hits, but I always feel compelled to answer these poor girls, who don’t seem to know how to wear tops or bottoms or both!
These women don’t realize that they’re treating themselves like garbage. And it depends on the person and what I’m inspired by that day. But before I block them, I always have to send them a message and evangelize them in some way.
And one of the things I tell them is that if you had a really expensive sports car, would you leave it unlocked in a parking lot when you go to the store? The answer is, of course NOT. Because you don’t want anyone to steal it. It’s worth a lot of money and you want to protect it. Where if you had a rusty broken-down van, would you lock that in the parking? No, or probably NOT. You don’t care if anybody steals it and it’s not worth much or anything at all.
And then I ask them: “How are you treating your body? Are you locking it up and protecting it because it’s worth a lot? Or are you just leaving it unlocked and giving it out for everybody to see and for everybody to use because it’s not worth that much to you. In other words, you have to get your standards of yourself, your self-esteem, your self-worth out of the gutter. Maybe you’ve been treated badly your whole life, you’ve been used, you’ve been abused?”
So, I try to help them realize that all of our bodies, and our sexuality in general, is like a sports car. It’s beautiful. It’s God-given, and it is worth a lot. We, as people, are not meant to be used, we’re meant to be loved, and we’re meant to be loved a lot. We need to start treating ourselves more like a sports car and not like a piece of a rusty broken-down van.
Some people might think: “If you got it, you flaunt it!”. But what they really do not know is that every time they sleep around and have sexual relations such as hooking up and having friends with benefits, they’re giving themselves away cheaply like a rusty van because they simply don’t know they are worth committing to and waiting for.
So many women complain that men don’t commit to them. That’s because you just give them candy and you don’t let them commit to the steak and potatoes, to the real good food that’s going to make you happy and healthy for the rest of your life. You give them the rusty van, the cheap stuff, but you don’t let them commit to happily ever after. If you want a commitment, then act like it, talk like it, dress like it, and attract a man like you want him to love you, and not just to use you for your body.
The last time a woman sent me nude dancing pictures, I just flicked them away and then sent her a message and I said: “You clearly don’t seem to respect yourself. Maybe you’ve been abused or hurt in your past. Maybe people haven’t taught you what it means to love you, but I want to let you know that I didn’t look at your pictures, because I’m not going to degrade you and disrespect you in that way. I’m not going to treat you like trash. I’m not going to treat you like a piece of steak: I’m hungry, I just want to eat this steak, and then when I’m done, throw it away.” That’s how many men treat women. They use them, they abuse them, they want their bodies, and then they just throw them away after that.
And the reality is you are worth so much more than that. Your body is not your value. You have an infinite value, whether you have a beautiful body or not. And if you have a more beautiful body, that does not give you more worth or more value, you are infinitely valuable in yourself.
Your body is nothing compared to you as a whole person: Your goals, your hopes, your dreams, your sense of humor, what you love in life, how you love, your ability to sacrifice and make people happy, your family, your friends, etc. All of this is so much more than just your body, which remains so shallow.
Pope John Paul II said: “The problem with pornography is not that it shows too much, but it shows too little”. It hyper focuses on a small part of a lady, a certain aspect of her, and it misses the whole person.
Some people need to know that this is serious, that this life is not all there is, and there is another life to come and there is a Heaven and there is a Hell. And what are we living for? We need to live for Heaven, but many of us are living for Hell.
Sometimes if these women seem sincere, I send them a picture of Jesus and I say: “You need this guy. You’re probably really hurting. You’re probably really broken. But Jesus can heal your pain and Jesus can love you and give you the love that you need, and you got to get right with him before you die or you’re going to go to a bad place where other people are just evil.” And I make sure they know that they’re headed for a cliff, and it’s going to be Hell forever, and that I don’t want that for them. And so, I might send them a picture of fire and I say: “Imagine setting a body part on fire. Go ahead: Your finger, your leg, your belly. Now imagine how much it will hurt. Don’t put it out. When you’re screaming, just let it spread to every part of your body. That’s what Hell is going to be like. There is a Hell, and you need to realize it. And Jesus died on the cross to save us from Hell and to get us to Heaven. We can be safe from our past. We can be redeemed from our mistakes. Nobody is their mistakes. Nobody is their past. Jesus can redeem us now and forever. And the truth is, it doesn’t matter how many mistakes you’ve made, it doesn’t matter how many times you’ve slept around.”
I know Playboy bunnies who have converted, and who have stopped having any kind of sexual involvement and who have really wanted to turn their whole life around and wanted to find true love. It’s not too late for anybody. Everybody is made for true love. Everyone is made to love and to be loved. Your heart is not made for many partners and is not meant to be used. Our hearts are not meant to be treated like slaves, slaves to sex or to be pressured to sex, or thinking that we need to do this or that to someone. No, we were made to be loved and to love, and that’s what God wants for us. So, no matter who you are, where you’ve been, what you’ve done, let God start over in your life. Approach him and say: “I’ve messed up big, I’m extremely dirty, I’ve gone the wrong way, I’ve been rolling in the mud.”
One of my friends actually was beat on and thrown in a gutter and some poor person found this girl in a gutter, just beat, and battered. They took her in and put her back together. And so many women have been this way spiritually, physically, emotionally, and want to start healing their lives. My friend, her life has been healed. She is married. She has many kids, and she’s doing much, much better because she started over with Jesus. She just approached Jesus and said: “I don’t have anything to give, I don’t know where to go, I don’t know how you can turn all of this past and dirt and mistakes around. If you can, that’s what I want”. She apologized and repented of her sins and gave her heart and her life to him.
He can make you new, as white as snow. He’s the only one who can take dirt and turn it into gold. He’s the only one who can take mud and turn it into snow and take our pain and turn it into beauty.
So don’t have your standards in the gutter. Don’t let people use you. Shoot for love. So many people don’t even think that they can have love. So many people think it’s too late for me. I could never have that. I’ve had girls come up to me and say: “You and your wife have such a beautiful marriage. You love each other”. They wish such respect. You can have it. It’s never too late for anyone to start over and it’s not too late for you. It just takes a desire. It takes a commitment, and it takes not listening to the lies of the world and of the devil who tells you, you’re ugly, you’re dumb, you’ve failed. Nobody is going to love you. You’re used goods. All of that is a lie because God, Jesus Christ died and rose from the dead. So even if you are dead and rotting in a grave, he can raise you up. He can make you new.
Start praying to him today and give your life to him. Start praying for your future spouse. Start praying for a man who will love you and commit to you.
If you’re a guy who hooks up a lot and sleeps around, you are giving away all of your heart and your soul to all of these ladies, and you’re going to have nothing for your future wife, which is why so many marriages fail today because you don’t have anything left by the time you find the person that you want to settle down with. It doesn’t work that way! Our hearts were not meant for many partners. They were meant for one.
I, as a man, am tempted like every other man on the face of the Earth, and perhaps maybe more so than other men, I don’t know. I’ve always been tempted a lot in that regard. So, I’ve had to work harder. I’ve had to look up more books. I’ve had to study Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II. I’ve had to retrain my mind and the way I look, the way I see, and the way I react to things. I still am tempted, and I probably will be for the rest of my life, you know? But, I have retrained a lot of my life so that these things don’t affect me as much anymore, and I don’t want to use women. I want to love them, and every man should never use women. They should love them, and every woman should not seek to have men use them or to use men but should love them in return.
Love leads to happily ever after. Love leads to a happy marriage. Sleep around, have sex before marriage, do all the stuff that you are not supposed to do, it cuts corners. It doesn’t work. It does not lead to happily ever after in most cases. And in fact, statistics say, 70% of people who have sex outside of marriage will be divorced within five years.
But if you recommit your life to start over and say: “You know what? I’ve messed up in the past. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to wait for someone to love me, and I’m going to love them back. I want to wait for a good guy who’s going to kiss my children to bed at night.” If you recommit your life to start over, even if you’ve messed up in the past, you triple your odds of marital success and finding true love.
80% of people who live together will be divorced. These are the statistics. This is the tragedy of our time because people aren’t doing it the right way. They’re taking shortcuts, they’re taking it the easy way out, and they’re not doing the hard work of Love.
For more insight on how to find true love, please check our DVD: The Pathway to Love. It explains everything you need to know from First Attraction to how to reach Happily Ever After. You can also check out our Love and Relationships playlist folder here for more videos on this topic.