Question: My mind is troubled. I don’t like to see any individual of sex, race or creed persecuted. I know and understand why the practice of homosexuality is wrong; I just feel sympathetic towards those who are blinded by society’s teachings that it is an “accepted sexual orientation.” How should I balance the concern I have for homosexual individuals while adhering to the Catholic Church’s teachings?
Answer: If you are like most Catholics, you may find yourself caught somewhere in the middle, wanting to accept people who have a homosexual orientation yet fearing to go too far and accepting the lifestyle. Does a Catholic have to compromise their faith to give acceptance? What is a good Catholic to do?
First, we must remember that people are not homosexuals. They are people. They are people who happen to have a homosexual orientation. Some embrace it proudly, some struggle with it, and still others want nothing to do with it. This should go without saying, but persons who struggle with homosexuality are children of God, the same as everyone else.
Melinda Selmys, a Catholic mom and former lesbian shares her experience on this. She says, “I urge you that our concerns must always be centered on the good of the other person… we are called to lead souls to Christ, not to heterosexuality.” She goes onto reveal that as a former lesbian, the Catholic Church’s teachings made sense in her mind, but she wasn’t willing to change anything until Christ won her heart. Only when she fell in love with Jesus was she able to live His teachings fully. Many homosexuals follow in that line.
It was our gentle and loving Lord Jesus Himself who won her heart and inspired that change. It was not arguments, lectures, judgments, rudeness, or offensive behavior. Remember, people are not going to care what we have to say until they know we care.
I’ve had a few friends “come out” to me about their homosexuality. My reply was always the same; “Well I want you to know that I still love you, and while I don’t accept the practice of homosexuality, I love you and am not judging you in any way. From my end, this doesn’t change anything between us; I still love you as a friend.”
Each of these people said candidly that this acceptance is exactly what they needed to hear. I never endorsed their lifestyle, and I never said it was acceptable, but I also didn’t shun them or treat them differently. If we do discuss this topic nowadays, it’s because they bring it up, not me. I just pray for them and commit their hearts to Jesus.
We must remember that we are all sinners in need of conversion, and therefore we should not think of ourselves above anyone else. Know your faith. Understand this topic. Always be prepared to answer questions or to engage in discussion, though always in a spirit of humility and love and without compromising the faith. Never argue or condemn.
We must love them as Jesus would, especially if they’re family or close to us. Remember, Jesus went out of His way to eat with prostitutes and with other sinners. The Lord loved the outcasts and drew them to Himself and to conversion through love, mercy and by having a relationship with them. We must follow His example. We must pray first for ourselves and then for others, entrusting them to Jesus. We must shine His transforming light and love to all.
For more information check out Courage, an apostolate of the Catholic Church, that ministers to persons with same-sex attractions and their loved ones.
